Most of us have watched the latest video doing the rounds on social media involving Indian women from two generations arguing over the younger one’s dressing style at a restaurant.

The elderly lady goes to the extent of asking the men around to rape the young girl who was wearing a short dress. This happened in Gurugram, India.

The whole episode raises so many questions. But I will not go into that. I’ll only talk about the root of this. Where are these words coming from? This shame? This mindset? Also, the kind of online reaction it triggered, was a reflection of the society we live in today. Is it not?

How angry are we? As a young generation? It’s so good to recognize what makes us angry. What stirs something inside us. But what about the next step? How do you deal with it? How do you channelize it in the right direction is what matters.

If you see the video again, you will realize that it is actually a Mother Vs Daughter scenario gone too far! No? Don’t think so? Read on.

Before I begin, I must clarify that I know the name of the lady in question. But I shall not shame another woman. Yes, even when I know what she said was wrong. Actually “wrong” doesn’t do justice to what she said. And yet, I urge you to stop and think for a second.

How many times has your mother commented on your outfit (from skirts to pyjamas to shorts and even the blouse you wore with a saree?)

I will not believe most of you if you say your mother has not.

Now let’s understand her concern behind it. To cut a long story short, she has almost told you this, “I am worried that if you wear this, you might get raped.”

Now go back to that video and listen to the words of Aunty. Not her tone or her demeanor. Just the words. It will sound like almost every Indian mother talking to her daughter at some point in her life. Of course what Aunty said was extreme and doesn’t deserve our “mercy”. Oh yes we are privileged like that!

Feminism is not shaming other women. Feminism is not bashing men. I think feminism is the strongest form of equality coz it translates to women and men actually thinking and taking action for “equality” based on compassion. Because that’s our strongest trait. That’s what will make this world a better place. Men couldn’t do it. But we can. By training ourselves and our men.

Don’t get me wrong. Men are compassionate too. It’s just been too long an oppression for them as well. They’ve forgotten they have it in them. Well not all, but most have.

So first let’s unite as womankind and then take on the world. Sisterhood has that power. When a woman decides to not judge/shame another under any circumstances, it leads to power. The power of unity.

So Aunty, I feel you. It will take time but another woman will have to be patient with you. Somebody will have to show compassion for you to pierce through your heart. To erase all that you’ve been taught by patriarchy all these years.

Sending love your way.

A daughter

PS: If this makes you think, please don’t hesitate to share your thought with me. My email is

Writer. Buddhist. Feminist. Looking for freelance projects.

Writer. Buddhist. Feminist. Looking for freelance projects.